5 Simple Ways To Figure Out If a Person Is Toxic
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No one wants to be around a person who makes you feel bad about yourself; such “toxic” people can confuse us, however, as they can come off as being fun and charming, because they have honed their skills at being manipulative.
They are very good at disguising their toxicity by camouflaging their damaging behavior by being interesting, helpful and fun. So the question becomes, how can you spot the warning signs of toxicity, before it impacts your happiness and self-esteem?
Whether you are dating a person, or you have a growing friendship, look out for these RED-FLAG TOXIC BEHAVIORS:
1. SHE IS A BLAMER.
You notice when she talks about conflicts with other friends, or issues at work, she never sees her part in the problem. If you ask anything that might promote her reflecting on what she said or did, she will always come up with “yes but…”. As conflicts come up between the two of you and you try to address the issue, THE BLAMER will become hostile and manipulate you into believing that you are the problem.
2. HE SHOWS DISRESPECT TO PEOPLE IN SERVICE ROLES.
You go out to dinner and he talks to the server in a tone that denotes superiority. He tends to break minor rules, acting as if they don’t matter and only apply to other people; cleaning up after himself isn’t his job and turning off his cell-phone in a movie theater is ridiculous…he can’t miss messages even if it disturbs others. This is a red flag that he will likely treat your needs and feelings with disregard.
3. SHE TALKS INCESSANTLY ABOUT HERSELF AND HER ACHIEVEMENTS.
If you feel like you can’t get a word in, you are in a relationship with a NARCISSIST! When you try to share things about yourself, she will interrupt by saying something that makes you feel she is identifying with you, and bring the conversation back to herself.
If you stay in this relationship, over time you might have some major life success. The toxic person will be uncomfortable with your success, because it makes them feel insecure and competitive. You may find that they minimize your achievement, brush it off, or say something that makes you doubt your success by pointing out the negatives. Your success means you need her less.
4. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS.
Anytime you want to discuss your feelings about something, that involves even the most mild conflict, he reacts as if he is being attacked. He becomes defensive and aggressive, making any kind of conflict resolution impossible. He turns everything around and eventually breaks your resolve, and then will quite unexpectedly show you love or affection. He feels safe being close to you when you are weak.
5. WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS THE CENTER OF ATTENTION THEY BECOME HOSTILE.
Other people’s glory makes her feel jealous, as exhibited by gossiping behavior that attempts to inflict damage to the other person’s reputation or friendships. They suck the air out of the room because their needs must be met above everyone else’s.
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11 Clear Signs You’ve Found Your True Soulmate. Have You Found The One?
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Have you ever met someone and immediately sensed that they were special right from the start? It’s as if the universe conspired to bring the two of you together and you’ve finally met your ideal match. Whether you realize it at the time or not, you’ve found your soulmate. A soulmate is a person who both compliments and completes you on every level. Whether it’s physically, spiritually, mentally, or emotionally, the two of you just click.
The chemistry comes naturally and your lifestyles and personalities connect smoothly. A soulmate balances you out and no matter what you may be going through or facing in life, they always seem to understand what you need and where you’re coming from. You can count on them for help and advice, comfort and reassurance, friendship and love, and virtually anything else.
The instantaneous connection soulmates share doesn’t fade or fizzle out, it grows deeper and stronger over time. They compliment each others flaws and build one another up, making their other half a better person in the process. Even if you have yet to meet your soulmate, don’t worry about it because someone will come along in due time. As the saying goes, “good things come to those who wait,” in the meantime here are the signs that tell you when you’ve finally found your soulmate:
1. You both have similar dreams and goals that you’re striving for. Whether it be career, family, heath and fitness related or more, both of you are similarly aligned.
2. Your sense of humor matches and they have a unique ability at getting you to crack up. After a few days of knowing them you’ll probably already have a couple of hilarious inside jokes.
3. You love talking to them about everything and anything. No topic is off limits or taboo and you don’t hold back any embarrassing details or information for fear of being judged.
4. There is a refreshing, total and complete lack of jealousy on both ends because you trust in each other and are wholly secure in knowing what you have together.
5. You apologize and say sorry whenever you’re wrong or mess up and truly mean every word of it. You don’t fight them any further once you realize you messed up and they accept your apology rather than dragging whatever the situation may be out any further.
6. They bring out the best in you. Maybe they challenge you or don’t let you give up so easy and in doing so you end up accomplishing much more than you ever could have without them.
7. You always have each others back. They constantly cheer you on and encourage you to do your best, you stand up and support them in all of their endeavors, and vice versa.
8. You can read their thoughts and emotions like a book. No words are needed to convey what either of you may be thinking or going through, you just know and can sense what the other is feeling. That kind of completely silent intuition is rare to find, but soulmates share it.
9. You don’t lie to each other. Even if you tried they’d see right through your falsehoods and would call you out on it. You know each other too well and are so open and honest that lying just doesn’t come up.
10. They help you work through your troubles or any issues you may be having. A soulmate wants you to be your best and will work hard right alongside you to solve problems and get over hurdles in the way. They’re often a great source of clarity and keep us focused and centered in the confusing situations we face.
11. There is magic between the two of you when you first meet and lay eyes on one another. It feels magnetic, exciting, and you instinctively know at that moment that you’ve met your soulmate. Listen to what your heart is telling you and go for it!
Watch the video and find out more signs..
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14 Warning Signs Of Emotional Abuse In Your Relationship. Don’t Ignore These Signs.
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Not every scar is physically visible. Sometimes we suffer emotional abuse which leaves us with deep wounds beneath the surface. Whereas physical abuse tends to be immediately recognizable by the outward tell-tale signs of cuts and bruises, emotional abuse is not so glaring. It’s much more subtle, which makes it hard to detect and yet easy to cover up and hide.
The emotional trauma brought on by repeated psychological, verbal, and emotional manipulation often gets repressed in our thoughts and written off by our minds. We cope with it by denying and internalizing the effect it has on us. That’s because emotional abusers use a range of tactics to deceive and break us down over time.
While abuse at any level should never be tolerated, psychological abuse often goes undetected so it’s hard to pin down. In order to end emotional abuse, you first need to be able to recognize the behaviors most commonly associated with it. Below are the main signs that point towards your partner being psychologically abusive to you:
1. They don’t view your hopes, dreams, wishes, or desires as meaningful or realistic. They don’t help you reach your goals and may actually try to get in your way so as to make you fail.
2. When it comes down to who is right and who is wrong, they are always in the right. If and when you try to fight them on this point you either lose or they make you feel super uncomfortable and weird about it.
3. They control who you can see and be friends with and what family members you’re allowed to be around. They also dictate how long you’re allowed to visit with them and so you likely don’t see them nearly as often as you’d like to.
4. You feel guilty when you’re having fun or doing things without them.
5. You tell them everything, even your deepest and most darkest secrets. They do not tell you theirs, nor do they keep your secrets solely between the two of you. Instead, they tell whomever they choose and oftentimes it’s done in such a way that’s calculated to hurt and embarrass you.
6. Your opinion is theirs. If it wasn’t originally it will be very soon because they expect you to adopt their way of thinking without questioning it.
7. In their eyes you are not your own, individual person. Instead, they see you as more of an extension of them and as such you need to stay and be a part of them to be complete.
8. They throw temper tantrums, pout like a baby, or run away whenever they want to get either their way or your attention.
9. You are the source of their unhappiness, misery, problems, troubles or worries. At least that’s what they tell you and where they place all the blame.
10. You are not able to decide what you want. Your partner starts to control aspects of your life including who you hang out with, what you wear, when and how you spend your free time, and more.
11. Everything is always your fault, even if it clearly is not, you end up getting blamed for whatever it may be irregardless of the facts. This especially rings true when they get upset.
12. Your partner is fully in control of your money and finances. You’re not free or able to spend it as you wish to.
13. They constantly tease you and make you feel horrible about yourself. Then when you speak up or try to defend yourself they play it off by claiming all the mean things they said about you were just them being sarcastic.
14. They make it seem like you’re blessed just to be with them in the first place. They may say things like you got lucky when you met them or that they are above you and too good for you. Stuff that falls along those lines is them being flat out emotionally abusive and manipulative.
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She Finds Out Her Fiancé Had Been Cheating. But She Waits Til’ The Wedding To Get Revenge!
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Many girls begin planning their weddings when they are very young. They dream of that wedding to their Prince in shining armor at a castle in a far off magical land right out of a fairy tale. Being a princess is something everybody wants to be at least for a day anyway! Many do get to live out their dreams and have that perfect wedding, bringing family and friends together and passing the torch from generation to generation.
With all that being said, sometimes these fairy tale weddings don’t have happy endings and turn quickly turn into a bad dream or scary nightmare no one could ever prepare for. In today’s featured story we are covering a wedding story that would be hard to believe if there weren’t so many family friends and other witnesses to see this wild event.
A couple who had been together for over six years finally got engaged and were prepping for the big day. Both the bride and grooms families were so happy because on the surface the 2 seemed like the perfect pair. But the soon-to-be bride was so busy planning every little detail in the months leading up to the wedding that she hadn’t noticed her fiancé had begun to act a bit strange…
The weekend before the wedding was the woman’s bachelorette party. The bride-to-be didn’t want anything big or crazy just a fun night with her best friends and a few cocktails. They never could’ve predicted the events that would soon unfold.
The bride-to-be had her phone in her purse but she started it hearing it buzz and vibrate over and over. At first she decided to ignore it because it was her bachelorette party and she wanted to stay fully present with her friends and live in the moment. A few minutes went by and the purse kept vibrating so she finally decided to check to see what was going on thinking maybe there could be some type of emergency…
Little did she know that the messages on her phone would end up destroying her wedding before it even began!!!
Watch the video below for the full story and the incredible twist at the end:
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These 4 Destructive Behaviors Will Ruin Your Relationship
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People get married with every intention of staying so; they are “in love” and often push away early signs of conflict in the relationship before marriage, because of the “halo” of being in love. You may hear couples report that ‘everything changed once we got married’. This, in fact, is probably not true; the precursor for destructive patterns usually exist before getting married, but are ignored in the name of love.
All relationships have conflict, because two separate people can’t always get along. It is not the conflicts themselves that predict whether relationships will survive, according to Dr. John Gottman, rather it is how couples “manage” these conflicts.
He uses the word “manage” rather than “resolve”, because his research has shown that relationship conflict is normal and management can be a bright spot in the health and future of a marriage.
He has identified what he calls “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” of a relationship. They are highlighted in the video you are about to watch below, as well as the antidotes for these relationship killers. These are four destructive patterns of communication which denigrate your partner, and over time will destroy the relationship, if not corrected.
His studies have allowed him to predict with 90% accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce, by assessing whether these “Four Horsemen” behaviors dominate a relationship. The first of the “Four Horsemen” is CRITICISM, which attacks the character of your partner rather than communicating a complaint about his/her behavior that troubles you.
Criticisms are characterized by statements such as “you always” and “you never”. The ANTIDOTE for CRITICISM is to change the accusatory modality into “I” statements, such as: “I’m feeling sad about what we talked about before. Can we please talk about it again?” Making the “I” statement allows for the possibility of managing the problem rather than further escalating it into an attack that says, in essence, ‘if YOU didn’t do this than I would be happy’.
Criticism, or accusation, yields the second of the “Four Horsemen”, which is DEFENSIVENESS. If one’s character is attacked, the natural human reaction is to ward off the hurt by protecting oneself. It often results in statements such as: “How dare you talk to me like that” or “I did nothing wrong, it’s you who has a problem!” Getting defensive when your character has been criticized is a normal human reaction.
When attacked we go into a “flight or fight” mode to get away from the emotional danger we are experiencing. If you can “stay still” enough after being criticized and act out of your adult self (as opposed to a scared child) there is hope for managing the conflict.
Therefore, the ANTIDOTE for DEFENSIVENESS is to ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for a part of the conflict. After all, the saying “it takes two to tango”, didn’t come from nowhere. If there is a conflict between two people who love each other, the chances are good that each person has a part in it.
So instead of responding to the corrosiveness of criticism with “you’re the one who is always late…”, try a version of: “maybe I do start getting ready too late…I’ll try to…”. Taking responsibility for your part in a conflict can help to avoid the most corrosive of the “Four Horsemen”, CONTEMPT.
You may have heard that using sarcasm, (as clever as it may sound), is a relationship killer. Contempt is born out of criticism and defensiveness; it is a person’s attempt to falsely elevate oneself as being superior to the other by using hostile humor, cynicism, name-calling, eyerolling and mockery.
These behaviors are the most dangerous of the “horsemen”, as it displays a complete disregard of your partner; in and of itself, contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce. The ANTIDOTE for CONTEMPT is building a relationship that honors the other, by showing respect and appreciation for the best of what your partner brings to the table.
If this “culture of respect” has been nurtured throughout the conflicts that arise, chances are you and your partner will not have to experience the “relationship killer”, of contempt. If things have gone too far and your conflicts have turned into battles, the final one of the four “horsemen” will be the last straw, STONEWALLING.
This will occur when one person just cuts off, stops listening and withdraws. The ANTIDOTE for STONEWALLING is “physiological self-soothing”. Gottman says that removing oneself from the situation before exploding or imploding (stonewalling) is letting your partner know that you are on overload and need a break.
This allows both of you to have the adrenaline from fighting subside, let your body return to a state of relaxation for at least 20 minutes, before coming back to each other in an attempt to manage your conflict without continuing to resort to the “Four Horsemen”.
Neither pretending that conflicts don’t exist, nor beating one’s partner into emotional submission will result in a friendship that is key to a healthy relationship. Learning to implement the antidotes to these “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” is well-summarized in the video you are about to watch.
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5 Clear Signs That Reveal You Are In a Relationship With a Sociopath.
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We’ve all called someone a psychopath, or been called one ourselves, at some point in our lives. Usually the term is hurled around in either anger or jest, but sometimes we really and truly mean what we say!
In clinical terms, a sociopath is someone who is diagnosed as having what is called Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition (DSM-5) APD “is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture.
There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.” The DSM lists a number of diagnostic criteria that expand upon this general definition and nothing about it is good.
Sociopaths are master manipulators who often appear to be charming and interesting, but they only care about themselves and will lie, cheat, and intimidate you to get whatever it is that they want! If you’ve recently met or are dating someone new and want to make sure they aren’t a sociopath then you need to know the tell-tale signs of the personality disorder.
Sociopaths tend to be really good at these:
1. Lack of inhibition – Sociopaths don’t hold back and often flout the rules or laws because they think they are above it all. They lack control, live in the moment, and don’t care about consequences because they believe those don’t even apply to them!
2. Quick to anger or resort to violence – People who are easily angered and who react by quickly resorting to violence without thinking about the future implications of their actions, are representative of such a personality. They will also let go of any negative feelings just as suddenly, as if nothing were ever amiss in the first place!
3. Selfish and act aggressively – A sociopath will act aggressively in order to get what they want, while failing to take into consideration the thoughts and feelings of others. To them, the ends always justify the means, but only if it turns out that they get exactly what they want and most desire.
4. Narcissistic – A common characteristic displayed by sociopaths is egoism, and when it comes to their own self-interest, they can be extremely narcissistic. This makes them very selfish and absorbed in their looks and appearance. They will always love themselves above any and all others and often have warped views of love and affection towards those they claim to love.
5. Lack of empathy – Sociopaths don’t understand or experience the thoughts and feelings that others go through. They think differently than normal people and have a warped sense of what is right and what’s wrong, as such they’re unable to relate on an emotional level.
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