These 4 Destructive Behaviors Will Ruin Your Relationship
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People get married with every intention of staying so; they are “in love” and often push away early signs of conflict in the relationship before marriage, because of the “halo” of being in love. You may hear couples report that ‘everything changed once we got married’. This, in fact, is probably not true; the precursor for destructive patterns usually exist before getting married, but are ignored in the name of love.
All relationships have conflict, because two separate people can’t always get along. It is not the conflicts themselves that predict whether relationships will survive, according to Dr. John Gottman, rather it is how couples “manage” these conflicts.
He uses the word “manage” rather than “resolve”, because his research has shown that relationship conflict is normal and management can be a bright spot in the health and future of a marriage.
He has identified what he calls “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” of a relationship. They are highlighted in the video you are about to watch below, as well as the antidotes for these relationship killers. These are four destructive patterns of communication which denigrate your partner, and over time will destroy the relationship, if not corrected.
His studies have allowed him to predict with 90% accuracy whether a marriage will end in divorce, by assessing whether these “Four Horsemen” behaviors dominate a relationship. The first of the “Four Horsemen” is CRITICISM, which attacks the character of your partner rather than communicating a complaint about his/her behavior that troubles you.
Criticisms are characterized by statements such as “you always” and “you never”. The ANTIDOTE for CRITICISM is to change the accusatory modality into “I” statements, such as: “I’m feeling sad about what we talked about before. Can we please talk about it again?” Making the “I” statement allows for the possibility of managing the problem rather than further escalating it into an attack that says, in essence, ‘if YOU didn’t do this than I would be happy’.
Criticism, or accusation, yields the second of the “Four Horsemen”, which is DEFENSIVENESS. If one’s character is attacked, the natural human reaction is to ward off the hurt by protecting oneself. It often results in statements such as: “How dare you talk to me like that” or “I did nothing wrong, it’s you who has a problem!” Getting defensive when your character has been criticized is a normal human reaction.
When attacked we go into a “flight or fight” mode to get away from the emotional danger we are experiencing. If you can “stay still” enough after being criticized and act out of your adult self (as opposed to a scared child) there is hope for managing the conflict.
Therefore, the ANTIDOTE for DEFENSIVENESS is to ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for a part of the conflict. After all, the saying “it takes two to tango”, didn’t come from nowhere. If there is a conflict between two people who love each other, the chances are good that each person has a part in it.
So instead of responding to the corrosiveness of criticism with “you’re the one who is always late…”, try a version of: “maybe I do start getting ready too late…I’ll try to…”. Taking responsibility for your part in a conflict can help to avoid the most corrosive of the “Four Horsemen”, CONTEMPT.
You may have heard that using sarcasm, (as clever as it may sound), is a relationship killer. Contempt is born out of criticism and defensiveness; it is a person’s attempt to falsely elevate oneself as being superior to the other by using hostile humor, cynicism, name-calling, eyerolling and mockery.
These behaviors are the most dangerous of the “horsemen”, as it displays a complete disregard of your partner; in and of itself, contempt is the greatest predictor of divorce. The ANTIDOTE for CONTEMPT is building a relationship that honors the other, by showing respect and appreciation for the best of what your partner brings to the table.
If this “culture of respect” has been nurtured throughout the conflicts that arise, chances are you and your partner will not have to experience the “relationship killer”, of contempt. If things have gone too far and your conflicts have turned into battles, the final one of the four “horsemen” will be the last straw, STONEWALLING.
This will occur when one person just cuts off, stops listening and withdraws. The ANTIDOTE for STONEWALLING is “physiological self-soothing”. Gottman says that removing oneself from the situation before exploding or imploding (stonewalling) is letting your partner know that you are on overload and need a break.
This allows both of you to have the adrenaline from fighting subside, let your body return to a state of relaxation for at least 20 minutes, before coming back to each other in an attempt to manage your conflict without continuing to resort to the “Four Horsemen”.
Neither pretending that conflicts don’t exist, nor beating one’s partner into emotional submission will result in a friendship that is key to a healthy relationship. Learning to implement the antidotes to these “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” is well-summarized in the video you are about to watch.
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He Set Up a Hidden Camera To Catch What His Kitty Does While He Is Asleep and It’s Hysterical
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If you have a cat or know anyone who has a cat you are probably pretty aware that these majestic creatures can be quite strange and weird and times. Unlike their canine counterparts, they do not seek constant affection and seem to do just fine on their own. That isn’t to say that cats don’t like getting affection and attention, they do it’s just on their own terms when they feel like it. Cats are mysterious and amazing creatures and that is why they are one of the most popular pets in the world.
A man in Thailand had a weird feeling his cat was up to something at night while he was sleeping. As many people know cats spend most of their time sleeping during the day and then become quite active at night. This is pretty standard, as cats like to run from room to room as fast as they can making strange sounds and acting completely crazy as soon as the lights go out. However, this man had a suspicion that his cat was up to something even stranger.
He decided to set up a hidden camera while he was sleeping to try and catch his feline friend in the act. The footage is just absolutely adorable and hilarious. I don’t want to give too much away because it is all captured in the video below.
During the night the footage is comical as he sits closely by his human and just stares at him. Then multiple times he climbs directly on his face. A lot of the night he just sits on top of his human guarding him like a lion would guard his cub. But the best part which you will see in the video below is the next morning when somehow this kitty realizes that there is a camera and he is being filmed without permission!
Watch the video below for the hilarious footage this man caught:
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Somehow THIS Tiny West Highland Terrier Got This Huge Rottweiler Pregnant. But Wait Till You See The Puppies!
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Like magnets, opposites often attract. People with completely different personalities somehow get together against all odds. The ying and the yang, the dark and the light somehow compliment each other perfectly. Apparently the same can be applied to the animal world. Specifically, two dogs of very different ilks found love.
Just like people, dogs don’t let things like breed stop them from finding their soul mate. In one case, the owner of a rottweiler was surprised to find her dog pregnant. However, everyone was stunned when these unique and adorable puppies were born. You won’t believe who she fell in love with and mated with!
A West Highland terrier named Joey has made an impressive accomplishment for a dog his size. He successfully mated with a rottweiler named Zara. Zara is several times Joey’s size furthering the accomplishment. The ambitious little dog is now the father to a litter of puppies. This almost never happens, so this litter is so very special!
Officially, the puppies have been labeled “Wotties.” Teresa Patterson, the owner of the two canines, had no idea the dogs had even mated until the puppies were born. According to Teresa, the puppies take after their parents in terms of their great temperament. They’re very high maintenance and they love attention. Get ready for the most adorable thing you will see today!
Watch the video below for the full story:
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These Two Believed They Were Alone. But The Deputy Had No Idea A Hidden Security Cam Filmed It All!
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Today’s story features Deputy Tony Scherb, who has just given his service to the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office in Colorado, according to the “Daily Mail”. The Sheriff’s office knew that he was leaving quite a legacy, as he was about to celebrate his retirement after 29 years, but never expected that part of this legacy would go mega-viral all over the internet!
The elevator in the Sheriff’s office had been malfunctioning for some time, and a part of the repairs was the placement of a security camera in it. The video begins with Deputy Scherb entering the elevator, which apparently has not only had a camera added, but music which isn’t typical of what you think of as “Elevator Music”.
He pushes the elevator button, when the rapper Silento’s “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” starts playing. What ensues clearly shows Deputy Scherb’s excitement about his retirement, or just a guy who loves to dance. Either way if you are having a bad day this is sure to brighten it right up! The hilarity ensues as the elevator stops at different floors and some of his colleagues enter the elevator. Enjoy the fun!
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THIS Guy Saved His Pennies For 45 Yrs. He Finally Cashes Them In and The Amount Is Unthinkable!
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If you see a penny on the ground, do you ever bother to stop and pick it up? Most people never do, they just walk right by and continue on their way. The one cent value is not worth bending over for. Sometimes people may pick up a penny here or a penny there if they think it’s a “lucky” one, but they don’t stop for every stray coin they see. One man, Otha Anders, is one of the rare exceptions in this regard because he’s picked up every penny that he has ever come across for the last 45 years!
When the 77 year old man from Louisiana was asked what motivated him, he said that finding a penny on the ground was akin to a sign from God, reminding him that he should always be thankful. He added that while he strived to pray every day, sometimes he failed to do so and on the days that he would forget, he would often come across a lost penny. After he noticed the connection, Anders always made time to pray and be thankful.
Over the years Anders took his penny saving ways to even greater extremes. He worked at a school and when the children heard he saved pennies they started bringing him ones they had saved or found. He never just took the kids money, however, and instead he’d pay for them in cash and other coin denominations. He would also exchange nickels for pennies with a friend who was saving nickels the same way that he was saving pennies. In addition, he’d never pay for anything with exact change, instead he’d only use nickels, dimes, and quarters.
All that penny picking and praying certainly added up and when Anders finally decided to cash in, he had a whole lot of change on his hands. In fact, it took fifteen five-gallon plastic water jugs to contain the half a million pennies he’d collected in the past forty-five years. Since they weighed about 2,800 pounds, he needed a dolly to transport them all and when he walked into Ruston Origin Bank, in Ruston Louisiana, it was quite a scene. People had never seen so many pennies before!
The bank broke out all the automatic coin counting machines they had on hand and yet it still took staffers over 5 hours to count it all. When they were finally done, the grand total came out to $5,136! That’s a nice chunk of money and it goes to show just how lucrative pinching pennies can be.
Now that he has some extra pocket money Anders plans on putting it towards some upcoming dental work he needs to have done. And if you’re wondering what prompted him to finally cash in after 45 years of saving, it turns out that his homeowner’s insurance would not cover the pennies should they ever get stolen or destroyed in a fire. Something tells me that it would take a lot of hard work, muscle, and time to steal half a million pennies!
Check out the video for more on this story and to hear about some of the other people who have collected change just like Anders did.
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Very Depressed and Unhappy Lioness Has The Most Amazing Reaction When She Realizes Who Her New Neighbor Is!
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Lions are one of the world’s most powerful, majestic, and beautiful animals. The big cats are second in size only to tigers and can run up at speeds of up to 50 mph in short bursts. Besides having physical prowess, they are also highly social and intelligent animals.
They live in prides often consisting of several adult females, their cubs, and one or a few adult males. Each member has an important job to do, with the lionesses hunting and the male lions defending the pride and their territory.
That is the way lions have operated for thousands of years in the wild. These days that natural order has been interrupted and messed with by greedy people who wish to exploit lions for entertainment and money making schemes. Whether lions are forced to perform in circuses or used at petting zoos before being killed in canned hunts, when they’re forced into captivity, they suffer regardless of the reason why.
The lucky ones are saved by big cat rescue groups who do their best to rehabilitate the often abused, neglected, and malnourished lions that come into their care. One such place, Texas based In-Sync Exotics Wildlife Rescue and Education Center, ended up rescuing a beautiful light haired lioness named Sheila from her abusive owner. Because of her good looks, Sheila had been forced to take part in movie and photo shoots, perform tricks, and attend parties and events where people posed with her.
When Sheila fist arrived at her new home she was not in good shape. Years of forced labor, abuse, and living in a confined space all alone had left her weak and underweight. She could hardly stand up and refused to eat or drink, when she did eat, she’d usually throw it up. She was obviously depressed, but it seemed as if she wanted to die and had lost her will to live.
Sensing something else was wrong with her, the rescue center ran tests on Sheila and finally had an answer as to why she was so sick; she was suffering from toxoplasmosis. The diagnosis was grim, most cats die from the parasite, but vets decided to treat her anyways.
Shortly after her first treatment, Sheila showed marked signs of improvement. In fact, she was looking and acting so much happier and better that her caretakers wondered if perhaps her new friend could have something to do with her new lease on life.
As it turned out, a new male lion named Khan had been brought to live at In-Sync and he was housed right next door to Sheila. He had been abused by the same man who mistreated Sheila but was much livelier and feistier than her. The two got along great and seemed to really like each other so they were given time to play together.
It wasn’t long before Sheila and Khan recovered from their malnourishment and health problems. They were eventually moved into the same enclosure where they spend their days cuddling, grooming each other, and relaxing. As for their former owner, he lost his license which means he can no longer own or neglect lions.
Thanks to the volunteers and everyone at In-Sync who makes stories like this possible, Sheila and Khan get to have a happy ending!
Watch the video below for the full story:
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